mollie cat

Okay, I'm feeling much more chipper now:) My mom and step-dad came to visit over the past few days and just left this afternoon. It was a last-minute, quick trip, but it was much appreciated. They got in Thursday afternoon and surprised the kids. Macy's reaction was priceless; she saw them walking up from the kitchen window, ran to the door and was so surprised and happy she was laughing and crying at the same time. Nick just kinda stood there and Stephen spent the first 10 minutes hiding behind my legs. I guess it took longer for the surprise to register for the boys:)



We just hung out Thursday night. Friday while Nick was at preschool we had lunch with Macy at her school and hung out with her at recess. After picking up Nick, I showed them around town and we took a trip to the mall. That night we ate at Texas Roadhouse and went to the movie "Shorts." It was super-cute.



Which brings us to today already. Mom, Macy and I visited the AWESOME Fort Wayne Library, which includes one of the country's largest geneology collections. While Mom perused the census records of 1930, Macy and I looked up and checked out a few books on her current favorite topics - Horses, Cats and Dogs. The visual you see with this post is the cover of one of her books. It's what she calls the "Mollie Cat" - she says it looks just like me:) Strangly enough, I might have to agree. I'm pretty cute, right?

MisUnderstood DontUnderstand

Feeling out of sorts lately. Today was a rough one. I was diagnosed as bipolar last month. That was a bit of a shock... but not really. I have been reading up on depression - trying to figure out why I can't snap out of it some days. I have realized I have some days that I'm doing more and expending more energy than I realize - but the depressed days are definitely more than ever. Bipolar did come up in my reading, but I never really thought it could be that. The doctor gave me a questionnaire, asked me a lot of questions and just talked to me. His opinion was that I was "soft bipolar." That is, I have distinct mood swings but on a a scale that doesn't interfere with my ability to lead a normal life. I can do that, it just takes more effort than a normal person, my bad days are worse than most people care to understand, and my "up" days are anxiety-ridden. There are normal days inbetween and I can fake it pretty good when I want to. This has pretty much been my life as far as I can remember it so I've always thought it to be normal. It's hard for me to believe that other people don't ever feel this way. So doc explains that this is a chemical thing in my brain - yes I understand - and is adding undue stress on my mind and spirit. He prescribed a drug called Lamictil. I've been on it for three weeks - my anxiety is better, I'm way more mellow but my depression is worse than ever. Today was definitely the lowest point and I switched between crying spells and a stony/numbness. It's hard to be a good mom like this. I'll call the doctor on Monday. Something needs to change.

weekend review

Germanfest was awesome! We ate brats and drank beer (yes, even me!) The kids did the mini ferris wheel, swings and bounce house. As a family, we rode the train and rented a modelT bike for a nice drive through the park.

Today we ALL slept in til 8:45 - wow for us!! I made a scrambled egg breakfast and we loaded up the car and headed to one of the many Amish communities in the area. They're doing something right, I'll tell ya. Each Amish farmstead was immaculate, perfect white house, manicured lawns, clean, neat, orderly - it was so wonderful to see. I'm thinking I could easily spend a week with one of those families. "You'll have to leave your iPhone behind." Was Mike's only comment. Yeah, I could do it - sans kids. I'd read, sleep, take walks, cook, eat. But after a week - okay, three days - I'd need to get back to civilization, my iPhone, and the chaos of it all.

So we returned from this trip and, after putting Stevie down for his nap, I snuck out on a quest for shorts and was semi-successful. I found one pair that I was "ok" with. I'm so picky about what I wear from the waist down. MUST be comfortable AND slimming. Not so easy these days - I can't shake this belly!! Oh, well - no need to talk negative about myself - I'm healthy and happy and things could be far worse.

our friday

Morning Y workout - walked theoutside trail. Spray Park & Pool with kids. Lunch al fresca and the dreaded Walmart run with all three kids - oiyy!

Later, Mike took Nick to witness a motorcycle rally downtown and, upon theit return, we all walked down the street with a bottle of Moscata, a bowl full of cherries and a bigger bowl full of cheeseballs and joined in a nice dessert and drink party at the Nicholsons. Women on the sunporch, men on the deck, we all had a great time meeting new people, eating desserts, drinking wine, and watching a zillion kids run around in the back yard. I think I drank myself a whole bottle of wine (and then some) and still fee lovely today:)

So today holds my 11:30 Zumba class @ Kachmann, a quest for new shoes and, finally Germanfest! The weather is perfect - BLESSED!

Lake Salamonie

Since it was rainy and dreary yesterday, we decided to take a little roadtrip to find Lake Salamonie (there's a ton of lakes around here but this one is one of the largest.) We found it easily and had a great time splashing around on one of the boat docks and the beach. We'll definitely have to return on a warmer/sunnier day with a picnic basket:)

Had a great talk with Mike last night, as well. I really can't say enough about what a great husband and dad he is but the problem is he has totally neglected his own hobbies. I'm happy to report that he has planned a fishing trip to Devil's Lake, ND with his two best friends for some time in August. I haven't seen him this excited for a long time - it's great!

no sleep... and rain

Stephen was up most of the night with a fever - poor little guy. No puking or pooping, though, so I should feel thankful. Nick went through the same thing on Monday although he was better by bedtime so didnt' have to deal with the sleepnessless of it.

You'll notice I changed my blog... Again! My perfectionism shows its shy little head here. I've have, gosh, about 5 blogs since June, 2001 (wow, eight years!) I wish I would've just kept one instead of changing with my moods. I think I'll rest here - no theme just my thoughts like it was in the beginning. Maybe I'll discover a way to import the rest of my blogs here. For now, they will be links on the side.

So to catch up... Fort Wayne is already feeling like home. I love the city, the people, our house, the neighbors - love it all! The Spring weather has been perfection - 70's with no humidity - yet! Well, unless you count the rain which has been frequent; in fact it's raining right now! I actually don't mind days like this - I especially loved them when I was single because I would just relax, eat and read all day. Now I have to find things for the kids to do because they're your typical "outdoorsy" types. Yesterday we went to see "Up" at the theatre - it was a great movie and Stephen did really well. Gives me hope for more movies in our futures! Only bad side is that damn popcorn that - try as I might - I HAVE to eat. I always go in with the plan to get "plain" popcorn but something comes over me at the counter when I'm asked, "do you want butter on that?" My reply comes out, "oooooh, yessssss, pleaaaasssee!" Alas!

I've been doing great on my morning workouts. I usually spend about 2 hours at the YMCA each morning doing the things I ENJOY (the key, here). I speed walk for an hour and do a bit of strength training for about 45 minutes. I'm also sprinkling in some random Zumba.

Speaking of Zumba - I officially have my own classes at Kachmann Mind/Body Institute - yay! They've been small but I hope things pick up. I'm set to start at Whitley County YMCA July 21 and at Parkview YMCA late September - bring it on!! In the meantime, I'm learning lots of new routines and am even doing some of my own warm-up and cool-down choreography.

Here come the kids... wanting breakfast. More catching up later.

a great weekend

Here's a shot of Macy and Nick racing to the horse barn at the farm of some new acquaintances of mine yesterday. A co-worker of Mike invited me and the kids out to meet her daughter and grandkids. The kids got to ride a horse and I got to share some great conversation and wine with two new friends. The farm was amazing and I can't even begin to explain how cool the house was. I shoulda taken pictures!

Saturday was a beautiful day and the kids spent most of it up and down the street on bikes, scooters and skates. We hit the jackpot with this neighborhood... kids everywhere! We all made a lot of new friends this weekend.

My new living room set has arrived! But... there is still so much to do, so much to put away; mostly in the office area but that's all gonna have to wait until we get the new office furniture. I did find a hammer and some nails today so I put some things on the wall. Also, while Macy was at school I took the boys and we set up new bank accounts at Wells Fargo. It was a very small, friendly branch and I was introduced to everyone working... nice:)

Our Easter weekend was nice as you all probably know from picasa and facebook updates. It's raining today and I am SO looking forward to some nice weather so we can get out and DO something. Fort Wayne is supposed to have a great zoo and the local baseball team (the Tincaps) have their season opener this Thursday... I should get tickets. Also, there are a ton of bike trails throughout town. I love bike trails. Not to bike, just to walk.

what now

We've officially been here one week and I'm starting to refocus a bit. Some of my thoughts today have been how unemotional I have been about this whole thing. I remember moving from Nebraska to Texas - crying for the first 100 miles or so and feeling homesick weeks BEFORE we even moved. This move has left me oddly numb. Granted, I'm older, wiser and more medicated than I was. This being said, I still feel lonely and am longing to meet some friends - I know it all comes with time.

The weather was such this afternoon that the kids and I were able to walk down the street. Macy was certain that a girl from her class (Madeline) lived at the end of the culdesac so we decided to track her down. Luck was with us as we knocked on the first door. It wasn't her classmate but we were informed by its inhabitants that we were only one door away. Madeline was home but leaving for gymnastics. I met her mom, Mandy, and we exchanged numbers to arrange a playdate for tomorrow. On the way back I stopped and talked to another neighbor, Jamie, who was just getting home from work. His son was shooting hoops in the driveway and was kind enough to lend Nicky a basketball to use until we found his (still unpacked somewhere buried in a box in the garage). I taught Macy and Nick how to play horse. Macy soon tired of that game and was off in her bike at which time Nick and I played our very first game of one on one. Ah, that defensive slide never really goes away, does it? I also tricked him out with a few back door moves. I guess he won't take challenging his mommy lightly ever again... he won 6-2.

always...

I figured out a long time ago why Walmart's catch phrase is "always." It's cause you're ALWAYS there!!! Funny thing is before I had kids I had no use for the place. Anyway, I just returned from dropping Macy off at the bus (yes, she has decided to ride the bus!) and trekking it to said Walmart for my second round of groceries since moving here. The boys and I pretty much had the place to ourselves so it was all good. I can see the sun today so my spirits are lifted. I'm starting to feel the faint stirrings of missing all of the good people of East Texas. It gets stronger when I look out my window and/or drive down the street and realize just how many people I DON'T know here. All in time, though.

hopes dashed

...i'll write more tomorrow. off to enjoy tv in bed:)

fort wayne

day three - setting up house

I arrived here in Fort Wayne last Thursday night and spent a lovely evening at the Best Western with husband, daughter, two sons, dog, two cats and two fish in tow. It was the third official evening away from our "former" home on Sandhill Lane. The last few weeks have been a hectic blur so I will save my energy and focus instead on the future at this point. (not that the past won't be coming up here... please!)

Present moment finds me in my new office in my new home on my new street in my new city; re-acquainting myself with the world wide web whilst listening to my children upstairs in various (loud) states of play and turmoil. Hubby should be arriving home shortly at which time I will chanel my inner june cleaver and prepare dinner fit for an italian king (ie: spaghetti). And even later still, when all is quiet, I hope to return here to write some more. I've missed it and the calmness and clarity it brings.